i want to be bird

Today i'm feeling so sad...

i hate my parents for the sometimes.. they still not understand me.. now i'm 21..

but treat me like a kids 2 years old.. damn!

i wanna freedom like a bird...

i can go to anywhere

everywhere i want...

nobody can stop me..huhu

i dont like stay at home because its so boring... i will be online 24 hours? motive?

to be stupid and stupid like hell..

k bye!

Finally

hello guys.. today i  feel so happy..
because my 2 presentation to is done today ;)
even very sucks, but at least more better than before..huhu
so i want play chess this night until i feel damn boring...
oooo ya, i wanna tell you, i was deactive my account facebook..
because facebook make me more tension...
so many people in there.. arggg
its wasted my time.. i will active back after exam.. i wanna cosentrate.. huhu

damn tired today..
not enough sleep from yesterday..
i feel this week very cold.. the weather very cold..
i feel like at oversea...
damn cold...!
even in my room, i will wear my cardigan.. and always using blanket..huhu..
so cold

when the feeling falling down :(

everytime when the exam coming i will feeling so down.
i will stress..
when i'm stress, i will look  ugly..
when i feel ugly, i dont like people say i'm ugly..
its make me  feeling down..
when i'm feeling down i will draw  ugly face for myself..
i'm not beautiful..
now i'am at KL central.. its lunch time..  my friend dont want follw me, so i eat alone today..
i dont mind.. maybe sometimes we are not at the same opinion...
my hostel having activities, hostel administration want all student involve their activities, i'm refuse because its boring damn much... so they are turn off wireless and electric in the hostel, so student will go to activities..
they are wrong,, i'm pretend like want go to class and go to KL central ...
my batry phone's charge is empty, so i have no idea..
i want go somewhere where i could recharge my batry, and can surfing internet.. the only way is KL central.. hmmm..
BUT, the stupid things is my charger was left   at  my hostel.. so stupid...

actually, before i left hostel, i have some psychology  fight  with my friend..
well,
at the first. she said she is hungry,, so we decide to pretend having class and eat at cafeteria,
suddenly, i  told her. i plan to go somewhere that i could charge my phone,,
and can surfing internet..
then, i ask her to join me, then she is refuse.. she said, i want play chess, that why and  i cant life without chess..
and she will tired after back.. hmmm
suddenly, she said, she is not hungry..
so,  i just left her because i really need internet....
she is blame me because not tell her early..
well,, who knw the administration will turn off the electric and internet immediately until 5pm?...
so i left her without feeling guilty.. because i always right even actually i feeling  i'm so selfish

My Blog

some of people asking me about my blog...why i didnt update..?
the reason why i didnt update
1. Lazy
2. No idea
3. I'm busy
4. no idea
5. No idea
6. busy like hell
7. When i'm free , i have no idea..
8. when i have an idea, i will busy like hell until i'm not remember to write..
9. i feel i want to delete my blog
10. i feel my life is so sucks
11.

sometimes to make interested story should have nice picture..
bu this semester i dont have camera.. that  why have no idea ..
Diary and blog is  different..
diary is about what 'disturbing' in my  mind.. the story that i feel awkward to share with 'people'...that is diary.. no need to think what i'm write about..etc
nobody read... no need idea,,,.... i'm free like queen to write anything... no need to think people comment..
audience etc..  its my DIARY.. .. grammatical error? so what?? do i care?
nobody will condemn my 'art' hehe..
i'm also not understand what im write about.. whatever~

BUT
 Blog, where i need to write my positive opinion..
positive view..
i cant be emotional.. sometimes when i give emotional opinion,, people will condemn. and attack me back..
damn!...
the awkward is my audience is people that i know..my friends, my families..

my mid term management. :(

today i feel i'm stupid person in the world..
i got 13 over 30  for my mark management..
i was stay up whole night yesterday to cover chapter. in the return i got lower mark :(...
today i'mm lack of sleep..
because  i sleep 6 am, then wake up 7 am...
1 hours sleep.. :(
today i cant sleep early because tomorrow have poster to submit...
my hand is shaking because lack of sleep and took the caffeine last night..



sometimes i feel wanna give up :(

k bye

i hate facebook

sometimes when i open fb its remind about my past..
shit!
i hate uitm shah alam. accountancy..

story with king

yesterday, before i'm sleep on my bed, i check my phone clock..
i receive message from 'the king' the person who dump me last week..
Totally not understand guy like that..
we was over.. i was sad..

Today i spend my time to think about this guy...
i read back all his message.. but mostly his emotional message i was deleted...
i smiling and confusing when read all his message.. either he is mean all his words? or just foward message?
or copy paste? or romeo message? Dr. jackyl and MR hyde?arghhhh! damn, sorry i'm not forensic or investigator to understand all of his words..
i'm just stupid girl who are born to be stupid to understand those things..
someimes he said he love me,  BUT, if he want something that i couldn't give, he said dont want to see me, and the day our last meet is the last time we meet on.. he will never disturb me
then, he said 'Bye' to me.. damn! i'm so sad read his message like that..
why he only think about his feeling?
oooo ya,, the reason we are break up because my free hair picture...
its my Principe, i dont want  give that.. and he want that..
so, we are not at the same road.. that why we are decided to over...
i just know him 1 week... if i give him means better i go to die...
Because i knw, at first he ask for that, then tomorrw he ask for the advance things, and everyday the level is up and up.. after boring he will dump me...in the end? i leave nothing.. i cant concentrate toward my study , wasting my time.. so, the best way just end it over...
because sometimes he is not respect me..hmmm :'(
 .. so emotional.. not think about my feeling..my situation.. huh!

i tell my friend i like him.. because he is look like my taste....
i like look at him, but i dont like he look at me, because i dont like people zoom in, my ugly pimple.
but i'm little bit confusing with him,,, when we are meet face to face , he said about  other things, 'he love me'
BUT when on message he is continue emotional..
i spend my time with him , i just remember his emotional words.. always send me same message.. erk..
conclusion, i'm totally not understand either he is said the truth or lie... whatever we are over..

i remember my first date with him, i turn back to the maju junction because his emotional message..
i was arrived with my friend at dang wangi station, then i was begging to my friend to company me go back maju junction.. because of that, she is fighting with her bf.. hmmm
what i can say, its my mistake because go back and chasing him.. because that story was spread to my other friend.. they angry me, why i'm turn back...? what happened to me??
In The end?
that time i'm not comfortable  with my dress smell.. in my mind only home and shower...
and got shocked receive so many message from him, and his miss call. when i call him,he didnt answer. hmm


when i decided we are over i tell my friend i'm so sad...
we are over,, i dont tell them the reason, because i knw their respond, let it be a secret..
i just said, i got dumped.. damn sad...!
so like usual, they give me words that make me feel good,, then sing for me sad song.. damn!
i eat alot, listening sad song music... after that i'm oke..

now, i was decided, i dont wanna have BF again for this semester.. i want enjoy my forever alone life for this semester..
because my face like monster right now.. again, have many new pimple come out .. sheet of papers... :(
furthermore i want diet.. my weight is 50.. i want to decrease 5 kg.. because after this i want find thin boy 68kg below...
k bye..

no love, no pain, no gain..
yeayyy forever alone !! :'(

damn on u

Yesterday i'm back home..  damn tired yesterday..
the stupid things i did yesterday is i updated status on facebook..hmm
about my forever alone story.. i dont knw what the hell i'm doing that time...
because its my first time shopping alone..
i planned to find purple dress, season jeans, and play bowling after that go to the karaoke toilet ..
but, i feel like the real forever alone when i'm shopping alone..i have no mood.. if i go to play bowling alone, and pay alone, then play alone,, its make me feel so alone,, then i want go to karaoke toilet but i feel awkward  because i'm alone.. so  sad
then i go to mcD because thirsty... and eat alone, what the funny moment.. i'm feeling so pity toward myself..
because That time my best friend going to church..
but, gladly, she call me that her activity is end early, and able to company me shopping and karaoke ...
damn! When i think back, .. hmmm
why i do that? i made a sin toward myself.. sheet of paper!!
so stupid.. and the person who like that status is the one who dump me.. damn!

moral value for yesterday: dont make promise when you are happy, and dont make decision when you are angry...

I dont mind if i got dumped.. no sense..
Because obviously they are not made for me..
why i need to cry for that?
accept, forget and survive..

honestly, i'm feeling so sad because the feeling of betrayed is still in my mind..
i hate you world! i hate my world right now..

dress ohh dress

Last night before i sleep, i was google out about dress  and cardigan..

and this is the result..

i'm in love with this dress.. !!!!  want to buy this dress.. and want to find this dress no metter what happen..

the stupid feeling when, when i'm wake up  in morning, i open my  wardrobe and  i saw my dress semiliar with this dress..hmmmm -..-' speechless..

so  i choose this dress to wear  today :)

so i find my black cardigan, then i match it with  my red hijab..

But, i'mdont use my belt  because  my dress is enough perfect without that belt..

so, this is how i look today.. with my favourite dress ^_^

sometimes i miss my high school time because no need to think what kind of dress to wear tomorrow and today.. hmm..

everyday wore uniform dress. huhu

k bye

Discussion from morning

Damn tired today.. discussion with my group and facing book from morning until now.. now 2am....
i knw my dad will proud when knw this..
i miss him,, feeling homesicks
its make me sicks
ohh my gastric is so cruel.. not now!
preparing presentation and mid term for tomorrow!
so sleepy!but i cant sleep because  i need to cover some chapter for tomorrw...
sheet of paper!

my sucks presentation

Yesterday i'm very damn busy and tired.. my class until 7pm. Then, i'm arrived at my hostel 9pm..
i just felling so disappointed with my self.. its about presentation yesterday.. like a sheet..
its my fault, i'm not prepare well, i wake up in night and ask Wikipedia about bill gate,,
and get confusing by my ownself.. i'm confusing either bill gate got expel, or he dropped out  by him self from Harvard university.. .after that .i forgot to print out bill gate picture...

this is my work last minutes..

i choose time order, then i choose bill gate to be my idola , because he is well known top richest in the world..    He believes that if you are intelligent and know how to apply your intelligence, you can achieve anything...He does not believe in mere luck or God's grace, but just hard work and competitiveness... i like his way.. and that is damn true.. hard work is very difficult to do.. like me, just like waiting and see.. i'm so shame on myself when i read his life.. i just noticed how lazy i am..  i like people in capitalist country, their life full of competitive to survive.. its damn cruel..
so i draft my point, i thought i can describe each of my point.. BUT, when i'm come in front in my class, All my classmate look at me.. sheeet, i forgot all things in my mind...
so, i just read my stupid point.. damn!

i think my last week presentation better than yesterday,
i talked about my self.. i took my chess as my model of my life..
its so simple..

\

i used this picture .. because i dont have chess set that time

i just talked why chess related into my life..
chess game is my  kingdom..and  i'm a queen..
i like to be freedom... that why i want to be queen...
my task to protect my king.. but without queen my kingdom is defeat..
yeah, beacuse when i playing chess, i dont like my queen die,because i have no idea to survive..
Then, every step i made in chess, that mean its my decision i made in my life,,
i cant turn back .. either its wrong or right choose i need to proceed..
That why sometimes i'm so regretted with my decision, but its make me more mature and can improve my game.. LOLz..
and every pieces in chess there are so important to me, bishop, castle, pawn, knight, they are my family, my friends, etc..
i like choose white empire  , because i like to start something and waiting for the respond,,, and i'm so aggressive in game..
and the black pieces is my environment, because every step i made, black pieces will give me positive and negative respond..
if i'm checkmate, its doesn't mean i'm loser, i can start everything from beginning..
people learn from mistake,,
and Albert Einstein said, everyone who never made mistake, they are never tried anything new..
that is my Favorited quotes...

k bye..

preparing presentation for tomorrow :(

damn cold and tired

Today i feel so tired..
and the weather damn cold..
fall asleep anywhere....
and now still sleepy like hell.
k bye

feeling so sad right now (emotional version)

Like usual, when break up we will feel so sad..

I wanna karaoke  right now!!

its always happening to me. when i started like to that boy, they will dump me..

so cruel... and that is shit true..

and i wondering why boy always ask something like that.. that i will never give. why huh?

whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

i knw i'm talking alone like shit.. go to hell!!

i have no mood 2day

k bye

My Happy Moment

Today i feel damn boring.. suppose i'm not back home..

my dad not feeling well, so he cant bring us travel this weekend.. so i'm stuck at my home with my little brother and sister.. arghhhhh!

just now, i open my facebook.. accidently, i opened my best friend's facebook profile.. she is my best friend when i was in matriculation . i call her jaa..
shes was talk about me on her profile  about her..,
the worst feeling when i noticed it today...

we are very closed when we are in matriculation.
and my day is very happy with her and my other friend..
we are become closed friend because of fate..
wherever my destiny  i will meet her.. cafe, mirror, come late to class, koperasi, etc, i will meet her.... she is alone, and i'm alone.. so, we are decide to eat together, go anywhere tgether, etc..
because i have best friend that time, she is mimi, but our class not same..  some conflict happend  because of that. huhu
\My friends said i'm bit arrogant .. i dnt why people like to judge me i'm arrogant..
i just dont like interrupt people life... because  not interesting.. unless they tell me about their  life, i will be good listener even i cant help them to solve... huhu

i really miss the moment in KMPK... its just like a dream...
all picture i was lost it.. so, i dont how long i will memorizing all those memory..
hahaha, i remember when jaa very angry on me because my result got higher than her because we are study together....
she wont to talk to me, even my expensive message she wont reply.then i write down sorry words many times on a4 paper.. then take a picture and do my poker face too, and sent her MMS... LOL, i  do stupid expression just for her. LOL.. its kinda funny..
actually she is clever than me.. i just wins in mathematics.. that all..
calculation is  my passion.. mathematics and accounting is the subject i like most...
i enjoy  studying both subject...
but for the other subject, go to hell, i hate uuuu!

k bye,

ooo ya, actually i wondering why my king not message me for today, i was waiting  since yesterday..  no respond  froom him.. hmm
positive thinking: ooo mayb  he is busy, or still sleeping.. or, something happnd?
negative thinking : damn! he is forgot me.. oke, fine!

Feeling not comfortable

Today i'm so worry about my eyes.. its feel like so tired even i  keep my eyes rest for the  many hours..
i wanna tell my dad but i worried he will angry on me because he not allow me wearing contact lens, but i did.. its damn not comfortable.. ohh god, plzzz , what i'm suppose to do?
i just need your help. huhuhuhu

Today i'm back home..ooo ya.. haha
yesterday i feel  very worst toward my new bf
in my mind that time i was losing him... and he was dump me.. so freak..
 so, i just ignore all his message....on morning , my friend ask me 'aik? where is you phone?'
i leave my phone on my desk ... when i look my phone , i saw his msg .. well, i read all.. again he give me msg like i'm the one who made mistake.. i reply and ask the question.. after that, we are oke like nothing happend between us.. erk, no comment..
when i'm dinner with my family, he sent me msg, then i didnt noticed i'm smile like stupid when read his msg, then my first bro  look at me and  asked me 'budak chess tu ke?'
erk, how did he knw. damn..! i forget to keep my phone on my bag.. 'no. my friend la'
he just give me advice,  i will repeat the same mistake if i proceed it..
erk, i'm very speechless.... I starting like that guy, how can i leave him..
whatever.. i wanna see what hanppd next..


my eyes not  comfortable... k bye

The feeling being dump (emotional version)

hellow peeps!
today i'm feeling so depressed..
my eyes non stop tiring.. plus my new BF.. hmm
just read on title, so you can understand what i mean..

i thought i will have mature relationship with him but, its impossible...
its was disclose how unmatured  i am...
yesterday our first date, and today we are break up...
its amazing!!
then, he sent me msg like i'm the one who are wrong.. come on..
our love story just like a cup of coffee.. hot for a while, then its cold..
when i think back, i'm the one who are so stupid..
believe a guy like that.. maybe he just want trap me on his game,,, i feel like, i'm the real loser right now... trusting the guy like that...
yaa, i'm deserve for all of this because i born to be stupid ..
pretending like care and love me. haha.. its a big joke of him.. to me its not funny ok!...
 i'm so surprise when saw his updates status because he said to me  he was deactive his account  facebook forever.. and the worst feeling when he is still in relationship with other girl today.. LOL..
he was trick me n fooling me around..damn! thanks alot

My First dating with new person :(

Hai Human!

its been long time i'm not update this blog.. hmm

i'm so busy ..

so i have no idea to update anything.. 

i just wanna tell u , i meet one guy today..

its was my first date with him today.. but, i'm not comfortable for my dating with him..

the reason why?

1. my hijab make problem in this morning.. we almost leave by bus because my hijab.. so  we are chasing the bus in the morning... so sucks 

2. my friends suddenly want to follow me to buy her boyfriend's gift.. i forgive her  for this.. hihi

3. erk, the worst feeling is , when i noticed my dress have bad smell. damn! i use my mom perfume that her left on my pencil case before,,, i thought its will solve my probelm but, my probelm more worst.. damn! i feel so dizzy for that smell.. yucks...In My Mind i wanna back home..home, hostel, take a shower!. huhu

4. i feel i'm the most ugly girl for today.. so sucks! 

5. he is bring his friend too.. hmmm.. 

oo ya,, its suppose my chess training, but its change to dating -,-''.. 2 in 1. LOL..

so sleepy and cold .. k bye

The Darkness come

recently, i was thinking about my self  in 2009 and 2010..

what happened to me in that years?

so many question in my mind..

i was wasted my time for the 2 years..

i was in love with someone..The person i'm not suppose to know..

so when i sitting . i force my self to flashback about that years..  its my best friend in my mind.. did she betray me? 

its my matriculation college and UiTM time..

i have friends. i have my love boyfriend.. But, when December came, i got expel from my university.. where are you friends? i face it alone.. my Boyfriend leave me... my Family angry on me.. I through it alone..

i was died...

and now, i'm the new person. But, i cant delete the memory in my brain.. i hope i can forget all of them..

because i want to save new memory with new environment 

hahhaha.. what the freaky moment.. like XXIT!!!


Love  is like a game
play it as well
enjoy it
when you are lost you are hurt
when you are wins, party time

this song situation like me. :(

hmmmm, i like that boy situation my. december  is so sucks

my best friends

i have friendship in my universiti. am so sick and tired with their drama... mayb i am not deserve to be their friend..i will find someone else to be my friend. Or be forever alone.. I will.. because we are not at the same boat and same road.. i started using earphone to anywhere... its mean, i am not interested to listen anything from them especially their drama... Seriously i cant stand all of this..
Especially the one who i closed with... She always think she is perfect.. Talk abt people weakness.. Am so pity to the person who knw her include myself... i dont mind whatever he talk bad behind me because she is not important to think about i just so tension because i need to stick with her all the time.. LOL... 4 years soon.. OMG, help me!!!!
I need miracle.. i dont like her but i need her..
what i'm suppose to do?
confusing 

the bad eid mubarak in my life

well, this year i'm so sad because celebrate eid mubarak without my parents..
the feeling is so  different and awkward..
we miss my mom and dad so much..
so jealous because everyone upload latest  picture with  their family and us??
we have take some picture but not perfect as usual...
i dont have any feel to upload on facebook or etc..
this ramadhan i didnt update status on facebook..
just want to make some diffrent ramadhan like before. hihi
i starting dont like Arab Saudi.. Why mecca state at Arab Saudi?
so far from malaysia.. and my parents always go there... :(
and leave us like this... i have no one to talk with. hmmm
forever alone.....................

kbye

by
princess forever alone

My future Daughter and Son..

Today  i make some research about the famous people in the world...

then today i was decided about my future children.....

since i cant achieve all of that, so i want my future generation to achieve that..!.

everyone know who is steve job? bill gate? mark zukeberg?  macdonald thompson? colonel sander? leonardo da vinci? larry page and segey brin?

they are top famoust person  in the world.. i'm so adore with.. and the are founder

i bet theirs  IQ is higher than150.. mayb..

like leonardo da vinci, he create the code to keep it the secret for many years....

anyone know about the mona lisa right..? 

i want my future generation become like themm...

so my first son/daughter will per uing his study at  harvard..

the second one at stanford university.. and the third one at egypt.. that all.. 

people is planning ,

but Allah is theone who decide that..

who know what the future hold right?

Jogging

Well. Today i cant fasting because girl probelm..hihihi.. So i spent my weekend jogging to reduce my fat.. Now my weight is
50kg.. So i will start diet to reduce my weight to 45kg...hihi.. I'm bit tired today.after jogging we went to kl central to break fasting.. We ate fast food.. lOl.. Fast food having much calories.. What a stupid plan.. Aaaaa.. So sleepy..  i want go to sleep!

My Daughter.

i have a daughter,

i have no husband, and i'm the single mother of my daughter..

so what??

its not a big deal right?

is very dark tragedy of  my life..

so i want to share to all readers..

but i'm not remember clearly about that tragedy..

what i remember i love my daughter very much..

there are so many people want to kill  me and my daughter(semiliar like action movie, shoot etc) ... and i was set on my mind to protect my daughter  all the time..even my life was facing a death, i dont mind.. 

as long she is with me everything is being ok..

because she is my life..

damn! i wake up from my sleep tight.,,

i feel so dizzy exactly  like  after involve in war, then i

look my surrounding.. this is my room.. shit, its just a dream..

i was thinking about my daughter until now .. well, she is not exist... just my stupid dream..

i'm not married..  but i miss that girl in my dream.. that why i write about this on this blog even right now i feeling so tired like hell.. no mood to blogging but i spend some of my time to update abt my dream. hee :D

just shopping from 10am and back to hostel 6pm.. haaaaaa.. my feet so pain.. and damn tired..

want to sleep right now!

but the weird things is... my daughter face like this little girl..

i was share story of this family on my facebook before.. his daughter was suffering 

leukemia

and she is dont have any hair.. and her daugter feel bad because everyone have hair and his mother cut his hair to make her daughter feel ok.. . what a sad story.. that why i share.. hmmmmmmm

ok bye!

curse

its been long time i hide my self..

i just feel want to run away..

because i cant face people with this face..

its looking so ugly right now.... but i'm still attend my class everyday because i dont want its effect my study at all.. i try to be professional.. hmmm :(

i need to find that guy for apologize...

i dont know what i did, but i'm not responsible at all..

evryone have feeling....

this is curse!

whatever i do at my face there are more worst day by day....i'm so sad .. i'm give up..

but i still like who am i, even i was crying about my face alot..

i was watch penelope movie..

and i like watch it again and again because penelope like me.. waiting someone who can accept who am i, not for the who i want to be,, :(

New Semester

Well, today is my first day for the second semester..

so much busy and so many problem regarding my subject  registration ..

well now i stay with my friends.. renting house..

freedom from family.! haha

but 

but so many expenses i did . huuu

because all i do by my own..

i can learn bit what is independent.. right?

Lately i'm so much busy to update anything.. so bye! see you next story!

pray the best for me!

New Target

I was sitting infront my lappy..

looking at my friends' update on facebook..

 looking on their success i feel bad toward myself.. yeah. i'm jealous..

because some of them studying abroad..

i feel jelous..!

if they can study there how come i cant study there..?

so now, i set my goal..

i want study abroad.. oversea..

either australia. or landon..

but i'm gladly if i could  study at my mom or my dad university at united state..

where they meet each other.. 

now its my goal..

STUDY OVERSEA! 

Silent is better than arguing

sometimes life is dificult..

people like arguing.

i decide to keep silent..

because nothing we got from arguing..

what suppose i do is 

silent,

accept and solve

bye

Tired Tired and Tired

i just feel so busy and tired.. k bye

Ego can kill the talent

Hmmm..

yesterday i was so sad.. but now i feel nothing..

i just thankful to Allah..

because who am I today..

even i have pimple ..

T_T..

Today i wanna share about my dream ..

weird dream again! hihi

my dad move me to new school..

STPM.. its like A level..

like usual i meet new friend there..

but in that dream i'm arrogant.. 

i dont like friend with them.. huuu

then, suddenly my best friend from matric, mimi is come and meet me in class... she didnt enter to my class but give me signal  from outside my class  to get out now  ..

so,  i silently  run away from that class through  back door. so my teacher didnt noticed it ...

i'm asking her 'whats matter? why did u come here?'.. she said with sad face ' my dad want me stop from study .. but i was made a loan. its 30 thousand ringgit.. what i'm suppose to do?'.. i was shocked heard that  then ask her ' why you dad want you stop?' spontaneously she answer me 'because i'm not study well. :('..

so, i bring her to one place so we could chat more.. she said she was in love with someone and that person fool her.. after we are talked alot, then my ex roommates is come ..

she treat us some lunch.. and listening her story study abroad..

suddenly we have 4 people. the other one is my current best friend in uniKL..

what the weird dream.. -,-'

at the last i'm fever.. and go to the private clinic.. 

what make me shocked is the bill is 1 thousand more ringgit....

only fever and the bill is RM1000? come on..

i just pay it using my credit card.. even in real i dont have credit card.. all is debit card.. 

then i wake up from sleep.. 

look at the clock, its 4.30pm.. damn! zohor time!..

i rushing go to the toilet and take wuduk..

after i pray i was think about my dream..

why they are appear in my dream?  because we are never contact.. even we are friend  on facebook.... 

'Ego can kill the talent'

without i'm noticed i'm was killed my talent..

i'm  so Ego..

that why i always lost someone that i love..

my friends... i cant blame them because they are never hurt me etc.. 

same with my family, i never greeting them as well ..

i'm never appreciate people around me 

I need to blame my self because i'm so Ego..

and its was kill my talent.. that why UiTM dismiss me from there..

That why my scholarship was taken back..

its my Ego..

i'm so Ego with Allah,

i'm so Ego with my family,

i'm so Ego with my friends,

I'm so Ego with my boyfriend

i'm so ego with everyone.. in the end they are leave me alone... 

i need to start it back..  star  from ABC ..new life, new friend, new place, but my family is still same. hmm

no matter what happend, who we are, what was the mistake we did, family never leave you for a long.. they are ready to accpt, and  to forgive.. that is the power of family

I always Think about Study, my future. because i wanna become like my idola..

bill gate, albert einstain, Leonardo  da vinci., Garry kasparov, .Ibnu khaldun, Ibnu sina, Al khawarizmi ,  they are so clever.. even some of them  are jewish but i'm so impress toward them. they create something new..

I'm also impress about Nabi Muhammad, Nabi Ibrahim, Nabi sulamain, Rabi'atul adawiyyah, Hasan Al-bashri.. because i like to read their story so i could be like them one day..InsyaAllah.. I want my last moment   of my life  i could be like Rabi atul adawiyyah.. That why my dad give me that name. he want me become like her.. Ameen.. 

Principe of my life is my pride first, then second one is opportunity in future, third one is my safety, and the last one is saving and cut cost ;) 

But for Love  is other story.. hehe

because i knw my self.. if i truly love that person, my Principe is second one.. hehe

but i still put my dad pride as the first whenever i'm in love or etc.. 

So lucky my dad has daughter like me. hmm..

because i will never betray him!

i cant wait my turn to marry.. all my daughter will be like me..

i want become the best mother of them!..yeay!

people said when the girl in love , their IQ will decrease .. its me.. ! :D

I'm Ugly

(Emotion entry)

Yesterday my best friend want me join Hijab style competition.. 

i'm hijab lover..  she knew it..that why she want me join that competition.. i  feel confident to join this competition  yesterday.. i told her i will join ..

and now, the worst feeling when i look my self in mirror.. there are so many new pimple. i dont knw where its come from!!!  but its look ugly

i feel like i'm the ugly girl  in this world right now!.. its so disgusting.

i told my friend that i will join yesterday and now i dont want to join that!

after i look mirror, i kick my furniture and now my feet is pain.. then i'm landing on my bed to sleep and  i suddenly i feel my throat its pain and i feel hurt.. my tears is come out even i try stop it.... 

what are stupid life....

my first Ramadhan is very sad..

and  i writing my diary with tears ..

why god didnt allow me join that competition? 

why....?

why my pimple added drastically on my face... 

my sem break just leave 7 days..

i really dont want face anyone with this face..

i'm ugly..

i cant join that competition....

i want throw away all my hijab! !!! aaaaaaaaaa

i want to run away from my world..

ohh god, why i feel so sad like this. i cant sleep.......

my pimple like her.. but, my mine is new and  big. i feel itching ..

Dizzy day @_@.. first Ramadhan (sahur)

Now is sahur time.. 

something make me feel dizzy is about dress

T_T

when i saw this dress before i'm in love .. so i decide want to buy this when i have money.. 

i found this dress in online shop

so i think i will buy this dress when my class  is start 30 july.. so i wait. just 9 day..

because my dad will give me money that time..hmm

when i stay at home my dad not give me money because when i have money i will back home late.. T_T (i'm so regretted) 

and my business now is down right now  T_T sobsobsob

When i open my facebook  this dress was sold out!!!! OMG

i feel so dizzy right now! no matter what happend  i want this dress!

i hate my dad right now..huhuhuhuhu

now this dress only in my dream..

my dad said,  when we lost something, there will something come and replace it.. i hope so... i hope i will meet beautiful dress soon T_T

My wish For This Ramadhan

Hello guys..

Tomorrow we are start fasting.. and now is Ramadhan..

i'm so glad because my ramadhan day with my parents..

my class will start 30 july :(.. haiyooo. wo shi toa la

But. for eid mubarak my mom and dad celebrate at Arab Saudi. well, its bit make me sad.. 

celebrate eid Mubarak without my parents this year. its my first time..:(

i wish i could go there with them... but i have class. :(( 

i'm so jealous  with my parents because  they go there 2 times in year. and me? never go there..  :(..

waiting my turn go there..hmm

InsyaAllah i will go there.. ameen.. :)

pray for me !

I;m Become actress

I have a trip with my family..

we stay at one hotel..

Like usual my family angry on me.. i forget why.. 

suddenly i have my partner. its a boy, my senior  from my university..

 i dont like him in real, i dont like his mouth maybe because i dont know him..

and he like talk nonsense that why i have bad perception toward him

we have are shooting at swimming pool  hotel... and do acting for film.. my best friend is come from her college to join us.. well, she said my university sponsor her.... i like her dress so i was find her to take her picture with that dress.. but she is missing somewhere..

and my senior stop me to continue shooting

We always shooting together and spend time together.. 

and talk about camera much.. well, i have my own DSLR.. its canon.. wowowow..

Day by day i spend my time with him and my DSLR..

camera and camera.. 

when i wake up.. damn! its a dream.. 

i dont have DSLR.. :(

i take my phone beside me.. SHIT! its 12.pm. i need go to my university!

Then i ask my self, why i wake up late? 

aaaaaaaaa

i find my cat.. ohh, i forget my mom didnt allow cat at my home.. my cat name is sally.... WHATEVER! i let my cat stay out at my home.... sometimes i bring sally stay at my room.. my room is my zone!

bye bye

I'm so Sad . its God Planning

what people suppose to do when they are getting so sad?

to be emo and hurt ourself?

or committed suicide?

or  do nothing and pretend not sad..?

i feel want to hurt my self,!  why i'm so stupid?

i know nobody can answer why.. because i'm talking alone..

Today i open my facebook.. i have 3 account facebook.. 

one is my real one, one is for back up and the other one is my business facebook..

The REAL facebook is bit hurt me.. Because my reality life is there.. i hate to face reality right now...

frankly, i hate my friends.all  my old friends.....

they make me feeling down...

actually i hate them because i'm getting jealous toward them.. they are so success than me even long time a go i'm better than them.. damn!

well, I was planed, but Allah is the one who decide that.. 

sometimes i feel Allah is Bit Cruel....

i know All mistake is come from me..

i have no manner. no disciplined, not matured but pretend like matured. ha ha ha..

i know i'm stupid.. very stupid person in the world..

i'm in love with wrong person.... ha ha ha..

why love is so stupid?

why god always wrote for me for the bad things?

Why you always wrote for me to let me   meet wrong person? 

why the bad things always happend to me?

am i so bad ?. i never kill people, i never smoke, i'm never do sex, i'm never drink, i'm never stole people stuff, i'm never cheated people for my own sake!!! then why me ??  why i'm suppose cry like this! STUPID. world is stupid! that is not fair.!

ooo ya, i knw why.. its because i hurt my mom.. Right God?  But he was hurt me alot. why you give me mom like that... she is not suppose to be my mom.. i'm still feel i'm at the right side. even she is my mom. but she always make me feeling down.. you can ask her what she know about me? i'm pretty sure 100% she will said about my bad manner and all my mistake in my life... the sad thing when the girl getting older but she cant share her story  with her mom.. my life only  my dad and my friends... stupid life

Because the reality of mine i'm loser.. i have nothing..,

i was like beggar before...my mom said that. i'm beggar.. i cant demand anything.. i just accept what people give me. damn!.. 

God, only one i wish from you.. please erase all my past... please god.. i really not strong to look at my past.. . its bit hurt me... they are success and i'm starting my life here..

its so embarrassing  for me.. 

whatever is happened to me, i will never give up.. i will pretend to be happy infront people..

even god was wrote i'm loser but i wont give up....

I will fight until my last breath!!

I hate you god why you give me through  like this.. . what was you planed toward me?

i know, u will write for me all the bad in future  right? 

yes, you are.. 

  

ok. fine..i will wait and see..  and smile and pretend..

I QUIT

STUPID WORLD  with  STUPID EMPIRE, STUPID SYSTEM. ALL IS STUPID!
I HATE GOVERNMENT BECAUSE THEY ARE SO MANY SYSTEM NOT RELEVANT !  DAMN!

welcome to my life

i just wanna tell you i have new cat.. name is sally.. well, sally is bit naughty and so active. so i cant take her picture properly.. hahahaha. ok guys.. i will introduce to you my cat for my next entry! bye bye

Trust Me, I'm an "Engineer"

hai guys..

''hai' its just greeting' even know i knw i'm talk alone here..hehe

Today i feel bit Happy after look at page

Trust Me, I'm an "Engineer"

This is is fun!they are talked about their life, hows theirs solved probelm, and they proud to be engineer..etc.. i wonder who is the owner of that page!!

sometimes their post have some common with my life.. and this page have 1.7 million fan. Wow.. awesome..

Like i told you before, engineer is a bit naughty, and cannot judge them by its cover.. i'm so impressed to them when they are solved probelm.. well, READ THIS hows engineer solved problem.. if we are look to the an engineer for the first perception they would be 'messy boy'.. euuuu, not my taste! but when u look how they solved the probelm 'OMG, i'm in love' hehehe.. yea, its true...!

Now i'm we enjoy this picture from  Trust Me, I'm an "Engineer"... ;)..

This is always happend to me.. but i'm not clubbing, i like spend my time in shopping before exam. ngegege.. $_$!in the night before exam i will study  very hard, suddenly i feel like genius i can understand all of that even before i never want to know that. haha. when  during the exam, damn! i think i knw to answer but i dont know how to explain because i feel so tired.. 

 how many I explain this, do the muliplication and division before add and sub!!

yea.. sometimes i'm not agree, but i need to protect myself. hihi

This is damn true!.. see what happened when i was in UiTM? many people say its luck... i got good grade in college after that i got dismiss when in university. hmm :(

its happened to me when i was doing presentation in class and  when All people look to me.. i feel like loser..well, i  lost my confident when i was got dismiss in UiTM.. :(

guess what? i always mention this quotes.. this is my Favorite quotes.. because i always do mistake.. 

Lolz. i'm suppose to be engineer.. BUT,Accountant is FUN!!!!

LOLz.. this is me and my friends.. either me got push or i push her to enter class if we are late. ngegege

hahhahaha :P

amazing.. !

hahahaha. i'm laughing when read this.. because when I come to someone house i will ask for the wifi pasword..haha. so stupid!

LOLz,, i wanna try this ;)

 

LoLz, this is bit interested.. first time when i see this i'm so confuse.. 

firstly i read as, imaginary  two cube sum 3.173 and it was so delicious.. errrkk..

something wrong!

i try again..

-ve one surd two cube sum pie  and it was so delicious.. LOLz..

i try again ..

-ve one square roots two cube sum pie and it was so delicious.. LOLz, not logic

fine i'm give up.. dont want waste my time here... i Look for the answer in comment box.. well,

it is 'i eight sum pie and it was so delicious..' LOLz

that pronouciation like I eat some pie  and it was so delicious!

 

its tetris. my favourite game!

so many picture i want to share but now i bit sleepy.. bye!

nothing to say

Hello guys!

i think its been 2 day i'm not write anything here.. well, i'm so busy playing sim social game.. -,-'

well, like usual life of forever alone is  awesome!

no love no pain..

since 2 day my phone missing somewhere. my batry phone was empty then i dont know where is my phone location.. am ignore. because i knw nobody will call me,.. if people call me, hmm i knw its a problm. my mom,my dad, my friends. thats all..

i have no mood actually.. hmm, i'm feeling so sad .. oke bye!

Fight with someone

today and yesterday i receive msg from him.. and he leave me many miss call.... 

actually i forgot i have BF.. because i was set to my mind i'm FOREVER ALONE' so like usual, i will leave my phone far away from me because i knw  nobody will call me.. FOREVER ALONE so like usual, when i go out with family, my phone at home.. when i open my lappy i only look my facebook and blog.. my shop blog is under maintenance so i'm concentrate to my blog and business..actually girl like me not suitable have BF.. nobody can stay with me.. ..     and now he is misunderstand with me.. what i can do???

... and i dont know what going on with me..

I'm also not understand with my self....

i like him, and he is good for me.. But, there are something stop me... 

i cant proceed with him.. i dont mean to hurt anyone but my mind is changed.. 

2 weeks soon is ramadhan.. This is my opportunity to get something in this ramadhan.. and i dont want anything stop me.... If i have BF its will disturb my target for this Ramadhan...

Ya Allah. please help me made right decision..!

if he is not made for me , please make him changed his mind toward me..
just knw, i'm google about 'kawin dengan tentera'' oh god, its not like in my dream their story. OMG!

i think life as forever alone more fun than in relationship.. seriously. just in relationship someone is care about you, and forever alone nobody care  T_T...

......

But, i think i'm not suitable to be someone girlfriend.. why?
i'm so selfish, When i have BF i want him to understand me, and say love me everyday..., and i'm not romantic..

but if my husband is different.. and he is special one... i will do everything for him.. i can be romantic. euuuu.. sorry, i'm over again. hihihihi

My High School story

u know, today i was thinking about one guy.. He is my classmate when in high school..

When i was high school i always change my best friends every year..but when i was 17 , my life changed alot..i started become friendly with classmate and teacher.. and started closed with him even though we know since we were 10 years old.. me and him very closed that time.. because he always come to my table to ask about mathematics subject.... i'm also come to his table to ask account subject.... when class finished i need to wait my mom, so ,he always company me play chess at class.. He is very best friend of mine... That time i knw he also read comic kreko and arena.. so, sometimes we share money to buy that book..(this is account student! think how to cut cost!) hmm.. also share money to buy glasses chess.. LOL.. That time i was change alot, i'm not naughty as before... never skip class. attendance full. so i'm so closed with my classmate.. before i'm never talking with my classmate. never submit homework, sometimes because of my all student in my class got punish.. huhuhu..finished class immediately i'm packing my bag and go find my friends at other class and explore new place, we are hang out, and do stupid things.. because we are problem girls that time.. not enough love from parents. hahaha.. its so funny, ..

But when i was 17,i was set my goal.. because that is the last year in high school..i want to be accountant. full stop! i want to enter college matriculation in accounting course.. and i need to have good grade to enter that college... This is my first time learn what is 'effort'.. its challenges and interesting...!. i learn what is sacrifice.. All my money i'm sacrifice , i used to buy extra reference book.. because my hobby that time collect all reference book which is exactly like my teachers hold.. because they like to change book.. hahaha.. i'm stop my self from social. just once in week.. not everyday like before.. almost everyday my face at store book to search reference and exercise book...

That time i'm so rich with book..... my friend sometimes borrow my book..

Alhamdulillah i'm graduated from high school with kepujian( first class).. my result is ok. i got 6A,2B, 1C..

well C is my english.. i knw is grammar its sucks,, look how i write in english.. totally broken language..-,-'

B is islam.. i really dont believe when i knw my islam subject is B. i always got A in trial or test.. until now i feel weird.. well, when i have child soon,, its so embarrassing to tell them i got B. -,-'.. and the other B is economy.. i'm not understand why my economy is B.. well, i have all collection of this book. how can?when i test my self i can answer all question.. when i answer question on exam i feel i can got A. not B. hmmm.. well, nevermind. as long i can enter to college matriculation..

i'm graduate first class in college matriculation

but,

when i enter UiTM, we are not contact because i'm so busy . i dont know what make me so busy that time...

After i got dismiss from uitm, i feel very down and give up.. i'm suppose died at shah alam because i did try to committed suicide but i feel its so stupid and its so pain.. when the car almost hit me, and angry me.. hmm.. stupid right? yea, when i think back its very stupid.. one day i open my chat in facebook and we are chatting.. hmm

when i tell him my life was end, i was dismiss from UiTM and i was break up with my bf...i'm not accountant... i'm loser, we are not at the same boat.. you are become accountant first.. and i will become housewifeT_T.....that time he told me he love me.... well i'm so surprised. and speechless.. i dint expect that from him and i'm not ready for any relation. further more he is my best friend.. so, i refuse... i have no space for him.. sorry..

But, When i think back, one year i live as the loser, Only him the one who always give me strength and support me.. .. i'm so weird, where is all my friends that time.. I realize, I have no friend, When i'm feeling very down i need to face it alone.. all my friends is pity to me and mostly said 'princess alone!, u you are clever, i know u can survive'.. 'sorry i cant help you' 'hmm, i dont how to say' 'erk, no comment' 'haaaa? really? hmm, clever person like you no need to worry' .. Damn! all is speechless..That time i knw i'm friend with wrong people.. and the worst feeling i ask my best friend(pis) to company me meet my chanselor but his dad not allow it. i talked to her dad and try to push her dad but her dad still not allow because he is not feeling well.. my friend is crying that time.. i'm so disappointed and end the call instantly.. she try to call me back,i'm not answer because i not feel want to talk with anyone..

when tomorrow come, i go to UiTM alone and my other best friend (jiha) call, but i dont want answer because i Thought that time she want console me or explain etc.... but when i read message, her(pis) dad is died.. i'm so speechless..!.i dont know what i'm supposed to do.... i feel guilty because last night i talked with her dad long time.. and push her dad... i still didnt reply or answer call, i let my phone ringing and i'm so angry with god that time.. after i meet so many people in UiTM, all is worst.. its my first time begging to people and crying infront them ... they cant changed anything!....

that time i want to die.. i had try two times to committed suicide.. first at road, the car is break emergency and angry me badly... and the motorcyle hit my hand, its very pain.. i leave that place without care hows people look at me, i just want to die... then, i try to jump to the lake, suddenly its Maghrib time. Why ya Allah? why? I cry alot, why god take it all? why me? there are so many people who are bad why me? God know very well everything he take from me very important and its was my dream since high school. why you take it all? whyyy.... then i went to Mosque and pray. I want miracle! i want my course back! i wantt all is just my nightmare! all its not true.. then i sleep there.. someone woke up me . its isyak Time. damn! i'm still here. after pray my phone is ringing. i want stay at mosque.. its very dark because all people back home. only me and pak guard.. i dont mind , i'm not scary, i'm suppose was died.. then my causin calll me, pak guard look at me give a signal to answer the phone. damn! i answered. my cousin pick me up from that mosque...

When i'm back home.. everyone is asking me same question..

i have no one.. my mom dont want talk to me. when she look my face she will angry me.. hmmm.. My dad non stop give me strength.. he try his best so i can further back at UiTM.. we always go to putrajaya to meet his friend.. This is my first time see my dad fight for me to make sure i can go to the UiTM back... i'm cry to my dad i want accounting course no matter what happened.. UiTM want me changed to other course, so i can enter back UiTM, but with other course.. i'm feeling so dizzy when heard that.. my dad cant do anything.. and this is my first time i'm cry in front my dad...his friend cant help because its the rule of UiTM. if i want to proceed at UiTM, i need to changed my course,, after that, his friend offer me pursuing my degree at uniKL.. i'm so sad when i need leave UiTM.. they are so many effort i did in sem 1.. all is worst... I lost everthing..!.. but i was bring 3 reward from UiTM.. chess competition and rescue competition.. chess we got second place and rescue is third place.. hmm