Finally

hello guys.. today i  feel so happy..
because my 2 presentation to is done today ;)
even very sucks, but at least more better than before..huhu
so i want play chess this night until i feel damn boring...
oooo ya, i wanna tell you, i was deactive my account facebook..
because facebook make me more tension...
so many people in there.. arggg
its wasted my time.. i will active back after exam.. i wanna cosentrate.. huhu

damn tired today..
not enough sleep from yesterday..
i feel this week very cold.. the weather very cold..
i feel like at oversea...
damn cold...!
even in my room, i will wear my cardigan.. and always using blanket..huhu..
so cold

when the feeling falling down :(

everytime when the exam coming i will feeling so down.
i will stress..
when i'm stress, i will look  ugly..
when i feel ugly, i dont like people say i'm ugly..
its make me  feeling down..
when i'm feeling down i will draw  ugly face for myself..
i'm not beautiful..
now i'am at KL central.. its lunch time..  my friend dont want follw me, so i eat alone today..
i dont mind.. maybe sometimes we are not at the same opinion...
my hostel having activities, hostel administration want all student involve their activities, i'm refuse because its boring damn much... so they are turn off wireless and electric in the hostel, so student will go to activities..
they are wrong,, i'm pretend like want go to class and go to KL central ...
my batry phone's charge is empty, so i have no idea..
i want go somewhere where i could recharge my batry, and can surfing internet.. the only way is KL central.. hmmm..
BUT, the stupid things is my charger was left   at  my hostel.. so stupid...

actually, before i left hostel, i have some psychology  fight  with my friend..
well,
at the first. she said she is hungry,, so we decide to pretend having class and eat at cafeteria,
suddenly, i  told her. i plan to go somewhere that i could charge my phone,,
and can surfing internet..
then, i ask her to join me, then she is refuse.. she said, i want play chess, that why and  i cant life without chess..
and she will tired after back.. hmmm
suddenly, she said, she is not hungry..
so,  i just left her because i really need internet....
she is blame me because not tell her early..
well,, who knw the administration will turn off the electric and internet immediately until 5pm?...
so i left her without feeling guilty.. because i always right even actually i feeling  i'm so selfish

My Blog

some of people asking me about my blog...why i didnt update..?
the reason why i didnt update
1. Lazy
2. No idea
3. I'm busy
4. no idea
5. No idea
6. busy like hell
7. When i'm free , i have no idea..
8. when i have an idea, i will busy like hell until i'm not remember to write..
9. i feel i want to delete my blog
10. i feel my life is so sucks
11.

sometimes to make interested story should have nice picture..
bu this semester i dont have camera.. that  why have no idea ..
Diary and blog is  different..
diary is about what 'disturbing' in my  mind.. the story that i feel awkward to share with 'people'...that is diary.. no need to think what i'm write about..etc
nobody read... no need idea,,,.... i'm free like queen to write anything... no need to think people comment..
audience etc..  its my DIARY.. .. grammatical error? so what?? do i care?
nobody will condemn my 'art' hehe..
i'm also not understand what im write about.. whatever~

BUT
 Blog, where i need to write my positive opinion..
positive view..
i cant be emotional.. sometimes when i give emotional opinion,, people will condemn. and attack me back..
damn!...
the awkward is my audience is people that i know..my friends, my families..

my mid term management. :(

today i feel i'm stupid person in the world..
i got 13 over 30  for my mark management..
i was stay up whole night yesterday to cover chapter. in the return i got lower mark :(...
today i'mm lack of sleep..
because  i sleep 6 am, then wake up 7 am...
1 hours sleep.. :(
today i cant sleep early because tomorrow have poster to submit...
my hand is shaking because lack of sleep and took the caffeine last night..



sometimes i feel wanna give up :(

k bye

i hate facebook

sometimes when i open fb its remind about my past..
shit!
i hate uitm shah alam. accountancy..

story with king

yesterday, before i'm sleep on my bed, i check my phone clock..
i receive message from 'the king' the person who dump me last week..
Totally not understand guy like that..
we was over.. i was sad..

Today i spend my time to think about this guy...
i read back all his message.. but mostly his emotional message i was deleted...
i smiling and confusing when read all his message.. either he is mean all his words? or just foward message?
or copy paste? or romeo message? Dr. jackyl and MR hyde?arghhhh! damn, sorry i'm not forensic or investigator to understand all of his words..
i'm just stupid girl who are born to be stupid to understand those things..
someimes he said he love me,  BUT, if he want something that i couldn't give, he said dont want to see me, and the day our last meet is the last time we meet on.. he will never disturb me
then, he said 'Bye' to me.. damn! i'm so sad read his message like that..
why he only think about his feeling?
oooo ya,, the reason we are break up because my free hair picture...
its my Principe, i dont want  give that.. and he want that..
so, we are not at the same road.. that why we are decided to over...
i just know him 1 week... if i give him means better i go to die...
Because i knw, at first he ask for that, then tomorrw he ask for the advance things, and everyday the level is up and up.. after boring he will dump me...in the end? i leave nothing.. i cant concentrate toward my study , wasting my time.. so, the best way just end it over...
because sometimes he is not respect me..hmmm :'(
 .. so emotional.. not think about my feeling..my situation.. huh!

i tell my friend i like him.. because he is look like my taste....
i like look at him, but i dont like he look at me, because i dont like people zoom in, my ugly pimple.
but i'm little bit confusing with him,,, when we are meet face to face , he said about  other things, 'he love me'
BUT when on message he is continue emotional..
i spend my time with him , i just remember his emotional words.. always send me same message.. erk..
conclusion, i'm totally not understand either he is said the truth or lie... whatever we are over..

i remember my first date with him, i turn back to the maju junction because his emotional message..
i was arrived with my friend at dang wangi station, then i was begging to my friend to company me go back maju junction.. because of that, she is fighting with her bf.. hmmm
what i can say, its my mistake because go back and chasing him.. because that story was spread to my other friend.. they angry me, why i'm turn back...? what happened to me??
In The end?
that time i'm not comfortable  with my dress smell.. in my mind only home and shower...
and got shocked receive so many message from him, and his miss call. when i call him,he didnt answer. hmm


when i decided we are over i tell my friend i'm so sad...
we are over,, i dont tell them the reason, because i knw their respond, let it be a secret..
i just said, i got dumped.. damn sad...!
so like usual, they give me words that make me feel good,, then sing for me sad song.. damn!
i eat alot, listening sad song music... after that i'm oke..

now, i was decided, i dont wanna have BF again for this semester.. i want enjoy my forever alone life for this semester..
because my face like monster right now.. again, have many new pimple come out .. sheet of papers... :(
furthermore i want diet.. my weight is 50.. i want to decrease 5 kg.. because after this i want find thin boy 68kg below...
k bye..

no love, no pain, no gain..
yeayyy forever alone !! :'(

damn on u

Yesterday i'm back home..  damn tired yesterday..
the stupid things i did yesterday is i updated status on facebook..hmm
about my forever alone story.. i dont knw what the hell i'm doing that time...
because its my first time shopping alone..
i planned to find purple dress, season jeans, and play bowling after that go to the karaoke toilet ..
but, i feel like the real forever alone when i'm shopping alone..i have no mood.. if i go to play bowling alone, and pay alone, then play alone,, its make me feel so alone,, then i want go to karaoke toilet but i feel awkward  because i'm alone.. so  sad
then i go to mcD because thirsty... and eat alone, what the funny moment.. i'm feeling so pity toward myself..
because That time my best friend going to church..
but, gladly, she call me that her activity is end early, and able to company me shopping and karaoke ...
damn! When i think back, .. hmmm
why i do that? i made a sin toward myself.. sheet of paper!!
so stupid.. and the person who like that status is the one who dump me.. damn!

moral value for yesterday: dont make promise when you are happy, and dont make decision when you are angry...

I dont mind if i got dumped.. no sense..
Because obviously they are not made for me..
why i need to cry for that?
accept, forget and survive..

honestly, i'm feeling so sad because the feeling of betrayed is still in my mind..
i hate you world! i hate my world right now..

dress ohh dress

Last night before i sleep, i was google out about dress  and cardigan..

and this is the result..

i'm in love with this dress.. !!!!  want to buy this dress.. and want to find this dress no metter what happen..

the stupid feeling when, when i'm wake up  in morning, i open my  wardrobe and  i saw my dress semiliar with this dress..hmmmm -..-' speechless..

so  i choose this dress to wear  today :)

so i find my black cardigan, then i match it with  my red hijab..

But, i'mdont use my belt  because  my dress is enough perfect without that belt..

so, this is how i look today.. with my favourite dress ^_^

sometimes i miss my high school time because no need to think what kind of dress to wear tomorrow and today.. hmm..

everyday wore uniform dress. huhu

k bye

Discussion from morning

Damn tired today.. discussion with my group and facing book from morning until now.. now 2am....
i knw my dad will proud when knw this..
i miss him,, feeling homesicks
its make me sicks
ohh my gastric is so cruel.. not now!
preparing presentation and mid term for tomorrow!
so sleepy!but i cant sleep because  i need to cover some chapter for tomorrw...
sheet of paper!

my sucks presentation

Yesterday i'm very damn busy and tired.. my class until 7pm. Then, i'm arrived at my hostel 9pm..
i just felling so disappointed with my self.. its about presentation yesterday.. like a sheet..
its my fault, i'm not prepare well, i wake up in night and ask Wikipedia about bill gate,,
and get confusing by my ownself.. i'm confusing either bill gate got expel, or he dropped out  by him self from Harvard university.. .after that .i forgot to print out bill gate picture...

this is my work last minutes..

i choose time order, then i choose bill gate to be my idola , because he is well known top richest in the world..    He believes that if you are intelligent and know how to apply your intelligence, you can achieve anything...He does not believe in mere luck or God's grace, but just hard work and competitiveness... i like his way.. and that is damn true.. hard work is very difficult to do.. like me, just like waiting and see.. i'm so shame on myself when i read his life.. i just noticed how lazy i am..  i like people in capitalist country, their life full of competitive to survive.. its damn cruel..
so i draft my point, i thought i can describe each of my point.. BUT, when i'm come in front in my class, All my classmate look at me.. sheeet, i forgot all things in my mind...
so, i just read my stupid point.. damn!

i think my last week presentation better than yesterday,
i talked about my self.. i took my chess as my model of my life..
its so simple..

\

i used this picture .. because i dont have chess set that time

i just talked why chess related into my life..
chess game is my  kingdom..and  i'm a queen..
i like to be freedom... that why i want to be queen...
my task to protect my king.. but without queen my kingdom is defeat..
yeah, beacuse when i playing chess, i dont like my queen die,because i have no idea to survive..
Then, every step i made in chess, that mean its my decision i made in my life,,
i cant turn back .. either its wrong or right choose i need to proceed..
That why sometimes i'm so regretted with my decision, but its make me more mature and can improve my game.. LOLz..
and every pieces in chess there are so important to me, bishop, castle, pawn, knight, they are my family, my friends, etc..
i like choose white empire  , because i like to start something and waiting for the respond,,, and i'm so aggressive in game..
and the black pieces is my environment, because every step i made, black pieces will give me positive and negative respond..
if i'm checkmate, its doesn't mean i'm loser, i can start everything from beginning..
people learn from mistake,,
and Albert Einstein said, everyone who never made mistake, they are never tried anything new..
that is my Favorited quotes...

k bye..

preparing presentation for tomorrow :(

damn cold and tired

Today i feel so tired..
and the weather damn cold..
fall asleep anywhere....
and now still sleepy like hell.
k bye